ANECDOTE 040: June 3, 2015
Recipe Block (a solution for when you run fresh out of culinary ideas) [listen]

Saturday, May 30, 2015: Morning, First Thing

You wake up, get dressed appropriately for what will result in a half-assed jog. Walk home.

Once back inside the house, go directly to the refrigerator. Pour yourself a tall glass of flavored electrolyte water. Next, eat breakfast that consists of a cereal blend: granola, whole wheat/barley crunchy nuggets and bran flakes--add Greek yogurt and nonfat milk. You turn on the television to watch the news while chewing slowly globs of cereal mush. During a commercial break, you begin making a pot of coffee, wash a dirty skillet in which to scramble an egg while the weather and traffic is reported. You think to add some sausage bits and cheese. Turn off the fire from beneath the skillet. You remember to boil a half dozen eggs.

When the health segment begins, you go into the cabinet to get some crisp-bread because the egg is cooked and there is not enough time to toast a piece of regular bread without the egg getting cold as well as prevent the melted cheese from solidifying. You hastily pour orange juice into a glass; cut the drink with mineral water. Grab a sponge to wipe up the spillage. The percolated coffee boils over hissing. Turn off the fire from beneath the pot. You curse when you discover there are not any clean mugs, forcing you to dig under a pile of dishes that are propped up by mugs and glasses. Slimy cold water splashes on your hands requiring a soap and warm water cleaning.

You enjoy adding a little bit of salt and pepper on your meal. You are watching the consumer report when a clanking sound coming from the kitchen is recognized. The eggs are done. Turn off the burner. Using a dish towel, lift the lid--half an inch of water remains in the pot. Finish eating your meal. Relax. Satiated, you doze off.

You wake up as the guest band finishes their performance. You peel your sweat-tacky body off the couch, find your cellphone and Bluetooth speakers, go upstairs, undress, listen to music while taking a bath, brush teeth, get dressed. Check email as you walk down the stairs to the kitchen. Find space in the sink for the breakfast dishes. Go into the living room. Locate the remote control. See the unfinished orange juice. Drink in staggered sips alternating with TV channel flipping. Sit down and finish reading email--scanning and deleting you admit to yourself. Realize that the channel last flipped is an infomercial. Click the remote three times.

You watch a natural history program. The host cuts from the wild back to the museum where he works, where there is a python in captivity. The python has a problem. After shedding its skin, there is some dead skin remaining, covering its right eye. The snake is unable to remove the skin. You watch attentively the caretakers in action, in captivity, as a team of five constrain the python, extract the poisonous venom before using tweezers to pick the skin from its eye. Once the task had been achieved, the python, agitated, springs toward the remaining caretaker who quickly backs away from the snake, bends down, ducking so not to clunk the back of his head on the serpentarium door frame.

You boil a couple of hot dogs. Place each on a slice of bread, smother with mustard, fold corners diagonally. Get another glass of electrolyte water. Grab a bag of corn chips from the cabinet. After lunch you go upstairs into the bedroom to put on some socks and sneakers. Go back to the kitchen, find a protein bar in the cabinet before locating your car keys and wallet on the table. Close all the open windows in the house. Set the house alarm. Fetch a bottle of water before the final activation beep.

While driving to your mother's house, you want to munch on the protein bar and drink the water. Common sense says keep both hands on the steering wheel, as other cars on the highway switch lanes more frequently than yourself. You forget about the protein bar that was put in the glove compartment and the bottle which remains in the cup holder beside the bucket car seat. A half mile before getting to mom's house, you stop by the grocery store and purchase a quart of differently flavored electrolyte drink and a discounted diet TV dinner: beef with portobello mushrooms and broccoli. After paying for the items, you discover a coupon with the receipt. The coupon is for fifty cents off the purchase of two discounted diet TV dinners. You double-blink.

You get to mom's, let yourself in, say hello and hug your sister who is visiting for the weekend. She is in the living room with their mother. Greet mom with a smile and a one-handed shoulder squeeze in the hopes of riling her strength. Make your way into the kitchen, discover what is available and ready to consume: in the Corning Ware on the stove, baked macaroni and cheese; in the refrigerator, a large resealable plastic baggie of barbecue chicken wings. The decision is made to heat up the TV dinner in the microwave--puncture thin clear top, set time. While waiting, get the ice tray out of the freezer, put several cubes in the largest coffee mug you can locate. After five minutes have passed, the microwave beeps. The broccoli is piping hot; the meat, barely defrosted. You remove the broccoli and return the meat into the microwave, set the timer for three minutes. Your sister reminds you that the "nuker" was purchased in sometime in the 1980s. Mom reminds you that she always reheats using the oven.

Your sister comes into the kitchen and small talks about social media while you ingest low carbs, low calories, electrolytes. Tired, you make your way to the living room couch, after putting the dishes into the cluttered sink. Remove your shoes before putting your feet up on the couch. Notice the Easter jelly beans in a bowl on the coffee table. Perk up to a sitting position. Grab a handful--munch, munch, chew, chew. Your disgruntled mother complains that black jelly beans are supposed to taste like licorice. Hand your mother a few when she asks you to pass her some. You lay flat on the couch, go to sleep.

Wake up in time for the six o'clock news. Watch for an hour. Go into the kitchen, scoop into a bowl a couple heaping spoonfuls of macaroni and cheese mom made for his sister's visit and for company that stopped by earlier in the week. Put a few chicken wings onto a plate. Heat the bowl first, then the plate in the retro-nuker.

The topic of discussion over dinner pertained to your website, which was prompted by your sister. Explain convincingly that the website is not about yourself. Argue that your website is about eating ingredients, not photographing ingredients--and with a stern glare, state with machismo that if someone wants to leave a comment, that perrr-ssson can email directly! You let the conversation trail off on how does a person decide upon her/his digital platform (blog, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Google+, Reddit, Instagram, YouTube, LinkedIn, etc.), and how does anyone not get overwhelmed by expectations. You talk about the importance of mission and vision (aka passion and intention), talk about the importance of having initiatives from which to spin-off other areas of interest. Provide examples as seen on televised media.

Welcome your mother's interruption until she announces that there is work to be done around the house. You counter with the announcement that the hour is getting late, and that you have not done your laundry yet, and that you have three days worth of dirty dishes waiting to be cleaned. Snidely, mom replies by asking why you did not multitask on Friday night while watching a movie? Chagrining, you admit the desire to focus solely on the movie instead of pausing to load/unload/load/fold, repeat. Express the need to pay attention, not pass time. Your sister asks the name of the movie. She is shocked and appalled when she hears the words, "Miami Vice".

"The movie expires May 31st. I skipped past the movie a zillion times since released online. What was different about the movie was that the beginning was not cliché. Sonny Crockett (Colin Farrell) and Ricardo Tubbs (Jamie Foxx) were on a stakeout in a disco club. Crockett gets a call on his cell phone from one of his high profile snitches, who was in serious-desperate trouble. Crockett lets Tubbs know something's wrong, resulting in them putting a kibosh on making arrests of the backroom heavy-handed pimps. Instead they call in a chopper to help them track down their informer. The plot of the story did not take off until eighteen minutes in."

Thinking what was wrong with this picture, you could have continued with an exegesis based on Colin Farrell's (Crockett's) hairstyle alone, looking ninety percent similar to that of Mel Gibson's character Martin Riggs in the movie "Lethal Weapon". After comparing and contrasting these two characters, you could have lectured on how Foxx's Tubbs was a step up from Danny Glover's Roger Murtaugh. The gender politics concerning Crockett's emotional concern for the family-man stoolie was not parallel with his love interest--she who was unwittingly wooed and flipped. She, Isabella (played by Gong Li), after betraying her drug lord boyfriend [spoiler alert], he who was never caught by the police, she, at the end of the movie, after having so long forever because this relationship was never going to work sex, gets sent back, compliments of Crockett, to Cuba (her home country) not realizing the serious uncertainty of her future! Isabella, seemingly expendable, was not even offered witness protection!!

However, this is a movie. This issue could be construed as either an oversight, flaw in the script, or perceived as a directorial licensed commentary, as a poignant art imitating life observation. You decide not to engage in this dialogic exploration because your sister and mother have not seen the movie, a movie scheduled to expire within a day. Besides, "Miami Vice" was released in theaters nine years ago; "Lethal Weapon", over twenty-five years. Is a commentary chat even relevant at this point in time? Mom reiterates there is work to be done around the house--your cue to leave. Once home at your place, you eat another cereal combo, put the boiled eggs in a clean container, dump the water into the sink, then go to bed.

Next morning your routine is similar, with exception to the jog: instead, a half-[stretched]-ass yoga series of poses. Afterwards, you empty the hamper full of dirty clothes into the laundry basket and follow the routine: load/unload/load/fold, repeat. Wash the dishes. Cook breakfast: two eggs, sausage, and an English muffin buttered powdered with cinnamon sopped with sugar-free syrup. You watch the news the entire morning before bathing, dressing, going back to mother's to complete the tasks mentioned the evening prior. You want to make good use of the coupon at the grocery store a half mile away from her house. Purchase two discounted diet TV dinners: Mandarin chicken and Asian-style pot-stickers. With the receipt, this time received is a coupon worth seventy-five cents off four TV dinners. You double-blink twice, furl your brow, scrunch your lips.

At your mother's house--her car is not in the driveway. Go inside the house. Your sister is not at home either. You discover that the work items do not exist--should have checked the situation last night. Call your sister on her cell phone. She lets you know that they are at the convent visiting friends. She does not know where your mother has wandered off. Call your mother on her cell phone. She, mildly astonished, states that she is outside the chapel sitting on a bench beneath a huge tree talking, having a pleasant day, enjoying the breeze. Mom promises that she will have the work set aside next week. You cite your schedule.

You get into your car, drive onto the highway, take the off ramp closest to the supermarket near your home. You get the necessary grub for the week. Once home, put the groceries away, frozen items first. Turn on the news, microwave the TV dinners. When the news is over, enjoy a cup of coffee while making egg salad:

Hard-boiled Eggs (mashed)
Bread & Butter Pickle Chips (diced)
Cherry Peppers (diced)
Pepper Vinegar
Arrowroot (if needed)

Feel free to exercise thought by sending me an email. If you have a mouth, then you can eat ingredients. (Disclaimer)
Copyright © 2015 by Edward K. Brown II, All Rights Reserved