"You know what, daddy?"
"No, what son."
"I what!?! Calling me names will get you nowhere."
"You don't understand, daddy. I said, 'Stink!'"
"Stink, in what way?"
"Yes, you do!"
"Well, thanks for the feedback!.. You know, son."
"Know what, daddy."
"There was a time when you stank."
"I did? Since when?"
"Since you were born--up to the point when you started
to go potty on your own: prekindergarten. Yes, during that
time period, you were smellier than me! Can you believe
"Well, the truth is that you had a stench comfort
zone: no smell surpassed your own, or the smell passed
under your sensory perception. However, in this day of your
age, your zone has been compromised--by what and how, I
would have to direct our conversation to olfactory scientists."
"Exactly... But let me tell you, as a toddler, you
were smelly. You were still very fussy, too. One
morning you did not want to go to childcare--and that particular
morning, unbeknownst to you, you decided to conduct a sit-in,
the same morning of a meeting I had scheduled. The meeting
was a vendor relations policy work-flow service expectations
task time and budget management system analysis coordination.
My responsibility was to be there as a conflict-of-interest
moderator: an interpreter and diplomat. However, you were
my primary focus at the moment. I had to decide whether
or not to wrestle with you in order to get you to the childcare
center and be very late for the meeting, or bring you with
me to work and be on time."
"What did you decide, daddy?"
"Well, in the spirit of HR (human relations) interpersonal
office initiatives, I decided that this day was a good day
for bring your kid to work, which you agreed to immediately."
"Yes, son. You were about to enter into a stench
discomfort zone; this meeting concerned a 'Big Stink!'"
"Oh!.. So what happened, daddy?"
"Well, we arrived to the conference room about five
minutes early, which was fantastic because I got to introduce
you to all the key players before the meeting. You were
somewhat guarded, but you were not off-putting. The meeting
began and my boss aired his views, which I translated into
vendor-speak. And once we were able to establish
"Um, a generic level of communication that provides
understanding; a basic vocabulary for conversation: vernacular.
"Established was a comfortable communication zone.
With vendor relations improved, I was able to sit back and
listen as issues were aired and solutions circulated without
much grievance. I held you in my arms, gently rocking you,
keeping you complacent, so I thought, but then you whispered
something to me."
"What did I whisper, daddy?"
"You, in a very hushed voice, which surprised me because
that indicated to me that you were paying attention. You
urged me to, 'Say something, daddy!' I waited until the
conversation started to stray off course before making a
suggestion. As soon as I did, you propped yourself up and
tooted your horn!!!"
"Tooted my horn...?"
"Yes, well, perhaps 'tooted' is the wrong word because
we did not hear anything even though your 'statement' was
very pronounced. You released from your bottom such an unsightly
gas, son. So unsightly the discussion was expedited, and
a work-flow policy solution was drafted quickly. Business
cards were slid across the table as the exchange was hurried
by your second release, filling the room with euphoria.
You mutualized the agreement. Your diffusion desensitized
their stink zone."
"Overwhelmingly. You were so proud. You should have
seen the smile on your face! Oh, go take a look in the mirror,
"Daddy, I know what I look like [gehyn-inhynches]."
"We celebrated as I drove you to childcare. You cheered
with a bottle of mommy's breast milk--and I had the privilege
of being, let's just say, 'in your presence.' Yeah, you
spoiler--on my behalf, too. That morning, you were
the Big Stinker! To me, you have not stank since--in
a manner of speaking. Perhaps you have leveled my awareness,
or you now exist within my comfort zone: tolerance."
"Yes, son. What."
"You still stink."
"To you, I always will. You want to know why?"
"Because I will not tell you why?"
"Oh! You are so old factory!!!"