ANECDOTE 023: July 23, 2010 [listen]
Fuming Industrial Strength

"You know what, daddy?"

"No, what son."

"You stink!"

"I what!?! Calling me names will get you nowhere."

"You don't understand, daddy. I said, 'Stink!'"



"Stink, in what way?"

"You smell."

"I smell...."

"Yes, you do!"

"Since when?"

"Since forever."



"Well, thanks for the feedback!.. You know, son."

"Know what, daddy."

"There was a time when you stank."

"There was!?!"


"I did? Since when?"

"Since you were born--up to the point when you started to go potty on your own: prekindergarten. Yes, during that time period, you were smellier than me! Can you believe that!?!"


"Well, the truth is that you had a stench comfort zone: no smell surpassed your own, or the smell passed under your sensory perception. However, in this day of your age, your zone has been compromised--by what and how, I would have to direct our conversation to olfactory scientists."

"Old factory?"

"Exactly... But let me tell you, as a toddler, you were smelly. You were still very fussy, too. One morning you did not want to go to childcare--and that particular morning, unbeknownst to you, you decided to conduct a sit-in, the same morning of a meeting I had scheduled. The meeting was a vendor relations policy work-flow service expectations task time and budget management system analysis coordination. My responsibility was to be there as a conflict-of-interest moderator: an interpreter and diplomat. However, you were my primary focus at the moment. I had to decide whether or not to wrestle with you in order to get you to the childcare center and be very late for the meeting, or bring you with me to work and be on time."

"What did you decide, daddy?"

"Well, in the spirit of HR (human relations) interpersonal office initiatives, I decided that this day was a good day for bring your kid to work, which you agreed to immediately."

"For real?"



"Yes, son. You were about to enter into a stench discomfort zone; this meeting concerned a 'Big Stink!'"

"Big stink?"


"Oh!.. So what happened, daddy?"

"Well, we arrived to the conference room about five minutes early, which was fantastic because I got to introduce you to all the key players before the meeting. You were somewhat guarded, but you were not off-putting. The meeting began and my boss aired his views, which I translated into vendor-speak. And once we were able to establish a vernacular..."


"Um, a generic level of communication that provides understanding; a basic vocabulary for conversation: vernacular.


"Established was a comfortable communication zone. With vendor relations improved, I was able to sit back and listen as issues were aired and solutions circulated without much grievance. I held you in my arms, gently rocking you, keeping you complacent, so I thought, but then you whispered something to me."

"What did I whisper, daddy?"

"You, in a very hushed voice, which surprised me because that indicated to me that you were paying attention. You urged me to, 'Say something, daddy!' I waited until the conversation started to stray off course before making a suggestion. As soon as I did, you propped yourself up and tooted your horn!!!"

"Tooted my horn...?"

"Yes, well, perhaps 'tooted' is the wrong word because we did not hear anything even though your 'statement' was very pronounced. You released from your bottom such an unsightly gas, son. So unsightly the discussion was expedited, and a work-flow policy solution was drafted quickly. Business cards were slid across the table as the exchange was hurried by your second release, filling the room with euphoria. You mutualized the agreement. Your diffusion desensitized their stink zone."


"Overwhelmingly. You were so proud. You should have seen the smile on your face! Oh, go take a look in the mirror, right now!!!"

"Daddy, I know what I look like [gehyn-inhynches]."

"We celebrated as I drove you to childcare. You cheered with a bottle of mommy's breast milk--and I had the privilege of being, let's just say, 'in your presence.' Yeah, you spoiler--on my behalf, too. That morning, you were the Big Stinker! To me, you have not stank since--in a manner of speaking. Perhaps you have leveled my awareness, or you now exist within my comfort zone: tolerance."


"Yes, son. What."

"You still stink."

"To you, I always will. You want to know why?"



"Because why?"

"Because I will not tell you why?"

"For real?"


"Oh! You are so old factory!!!"

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