--  a podcast and website dedicated to anecdotal cooking as expressed through my poetry and foodstuff --  a podcast and website dedicated to anecdotal cooking as expressed through my poetry and foodstuff listings.
Anecdotal Cooking 15: April 24, 2008 [listen]

Time of the Dinosuars (Sun) [Artwork by Eddie Brown]NARRATOR: Hello. I am Dr. Pilatia. I am a paleontologist. I am here to tell you the story of an imaginative explorer named Ashley, who liked to do research on dinosaurs.

To conduct his research, Ashley went to school, the library, and museums. When those buildings were closed, he would read the books that he gathered from those educational institutions-and even books that his parents and relatives obtained for him. Ashley would watch any public television documentary or cable TV show about dinosaurs--and then there were the DVDs Ashley's parents would rent occasionally. Ashley was such an enthusiast; he would even look for information about dinosaurs on the Internet.

Becoming quite the specialist, Ashley memorized the main eras in which the dinosaurs lived: the Triassic, the Jurassic, and the Cretaceous periods. He became obsessive in detailing the timeline.

Ashley's parents were becoming concerned that their son was becoming a little too preoccupied with dinosaurs, but Ashley pleaded not to have his research funding cut because he was just about to have a major discovery. His parents thought, how cute, and decided to encourage their son's activities--at least for another month.

A few days later, Ashley was sitting at his computer…an earth-shattering event!

Time of the Dinosuars (George: Giganotosaurus) [Artwork by Eddie Brown]Click-click-click!!!

Something clicked in Ashley's head. Idea after idea swarmed within his brain. He leaned back in his chair. His jaw dropped. His eyes shut closed: TMI--Too Much Information!

When Ashley awakened, to his astonishment he discovered that he had been transported into the Time of the Dinosaurs.

By the fact that he saw a Giganotosaurus walking around, he quickly realized the era that he had been transported somewhere around the Jurassic and Cretaceous periods, but he did not know where in the world he was.

Ashley wanted to get back home to Texas, where his parents lived. So, he decided to ask the Giganotosaurus for some direction.

ASHLEY: Hello. My name is Ashley. I am a human. I know how to think and feel. I am lost in the time of the dinosaurs. I think I need to find my grown-ups, my parents. I feel sad.

GEORGE: My name is George. I am a Giganotosaurus. I know how to roar. When I grow up, I want to explore the world and learn more.

Time of the Dinosuars (Elmuer: Stegosaurus) [Artwork by Eddie Brown]ASHLEY: Where am I? In what time period am I?

GEORGE: You are in Patagonia, Argentina, during the early Cretaceous period.

NARRATOR: Ashley's brain clicked again, propelling him into the Jurassic period, and landing in the state of Colorado, USA, where he met Elmuer.

ELMUER: My name is Elmuer. I am a Stegosaurus. I know how to grumble. When I grow up, I want to be humble, but not a bumble.

NARRATOR: Ashley greeted Elmuer and explained his situation in needing to find his parents. In mid-sentence, he had another clicking impasse. This time, Ashley found himself somewhere in Alberta, Canada, during the late Cretaceous period, where he was befriended by…

Time of the Dinosuars  (Cloud-Web: Internet) [Artwork by Eddie Brown]ALICE: My name is Alice. I am a Troödon (TROH-oh-don). I am clever than ever; I know how teach. When I grow up, I want to be able to discipline without being a screech!

NARRATOR: Click. Off went Ashley to Bavaria, Germany, during the late Jurassic period.

TERI: My name is Teri. I am an Archaeopteryx (ark-ee-OP-ter-iks). I know how to chirrup. When I grow up, I want to star as Betsey the Amoeba in the long-running musical Gooey Pituey--the unofficial story about the primordial soup.

ASHLEY: Thanks, but I already had lunch.

NARRATOR: A slight misunderstanding, but Ashley was beginning to figure out what was happening to him. The "clicks" that he was experiencing were actually clicks linking him to different locations and time periods. Ashley realized that he had fallen victim to yet another poorly designed website!!! CLICK!!!

IRENE: Hello. My name is Irene. I am an Iguanodon (ig-WHA-no-don). I am from England. I know that the Iguanodons were one of the first dinosaurs to be recognized by paleontologists. When I grow up, I want to trace and document my heritage because my family has lived in all parts of the world.

Time of the Dinosuars (Suzy: Triceratops) [Artwork by Eddie Brown]ASHLEY: Even in Texas? That is where my parent's family has been excavated.

IRENE: Afraid not. Haven't stepped foot, but from what I understand, Texas is a very large state.

NARRATOR: Click. Ashley is where? Argentina!? Again???

PAMELA: My name is Pamela. I am a Pterodaustro (ter-o-DOW-stro). With my excellent eyesight and extensive wingspan, I want to help others locate their vision and guide them to their final destination--when I grow up.

ASHLEY: Oh, really! Which way is Texas?!


NARRATOR: Up, up and, um, which way? Click.

SUZY: My name is Suzy. I am a Triceratops (try-SERRA-TOPS) from Montana, USA. I like plants. When I grow up, I want to keep in balance the ecosystem that maintains all the trees in the forest.

NARRATOR: Ashley, thinking more and more about this particular Internet experience, was beginning to feel deep in the heart. Click.

TOMMY: My name is Tommy the T-Rex. This is my sister, Baby T-Rex--Tina for short.

TINA: We are from Texas!

ASHLEY: You are!!! Do you know my parents???

TOMMY: Well, no, but I do know how to seek and find food by using the geographic coordinate system. When I grow up, I want to discover the riff between time and space in relation to crop circles.

TINA: Yeah, yeah… Your parents are yonder, between that crevice, between the Cretaceous and Jurassic periods. No, there. There!!! Just click on the word "Mammals," then on the word "Neanderthal." And then scroll down. Look for the bull's-eye drawn in the field of wheat.

Time of the Dinosuars (Moon) [Artwork by Eddie Brown]NARRATOR: With a click and a click and a fiber-optic Internet connection, Ashley was back in the twenty-first century with his parents, safe and sound. He couldn't wait to tell his parents, his friends at school, the reference librarian, and the museum curator about his adventure. Having experienced a discombobulation of the prehistoric times, Ashley wanted to reintroduce himself to this standardized age.

ASHLEY: My name is Ashley. I know how to think and feel. When I grow up, I think I want to be a dinosaur, just like my friends. I feel happy.

NARRATOR: With that said, Ashley gave his parents a big hug and thanked them for granting him the allowance to have an intellectual and emotional breakthrough, while researching the Time of the Dinosaurs.

The End.

STORY: Eddie Brown

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Copyright © 2008 by Edward K. Brown II, All Rights Reserved