EatIngredients.com --  a podcast and website dedicated to anecdotal cooking as expressed through my poetry and foodstuff listings.EatIngredients.com --  a podcast and website dedicated to anecdotal cooking as expressed through my poetry and foodstuff listings.
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ANECDOTE 023: July 23, 2010 [listen]
Fuming Industrial Strength

"You know what, daddy?"

"No, what son."

"You stink!"

"I what!?! Calling me names will get you nowhere."

"You don't understand, daddy. I said, 'Stink!'"

"Stink!!"

"Yep!!!"

"Stink, in what way?"

"You smell."

"I smell...."

"Yes, you do!"

"Since when?"

"Since forever."

"Forever?"

"For-ever."

"Well, thanks for the feedback!.. You know, son."

"Know what, daddy."

"There was a time when you stank."

"There was!?!"

"Yep."

"I did? Since when?"

"Since you were born--up to the point when you started to go potty on your own: prekindergarten. Yes, during that time period, you were smellier than me! Can you believe that!?!"

"No."

"Well, the truth is that you had a stench comfort zone: no smell surpassed your own, or the smell passed under your sensory perception. However, in this day of your age, your zone has been compromised--by what and how, I would have to direct our conversation to olfactory scientists."

"Old factory?"

"Exactly... But let me tell you, as a toddler, you were smelly. You were still very fussy, too. One morning you did not want to go to childcare--and that particular morning, unbeknownst to you, you decided to conduct a sit-in, the same morning of a meeting I had scheduled. The meeting was a vendor relations policy work-flow service expectations task time and budget management system analysis coordination. My responsibility was to be there as a conflict-of-interest moderator: an interpreter and diplomat. However, you were my primary focus at the moment. I had to decide whether or not to wrestle with you in order to get you to the childcare center and be very late for the meeting, or bring you with me to work and be on time."

"What did you decide, daddy?"

"Well, in the spirit of HR (human relations) interpersonal office initiatives, I decided that this day was a good day for bring your kid to work, which you agreed to immediately."

"For real?"

"Really"

"Hmm."

"Yes, son. You were about to enter into a stench discomfort zone; this meeting concerned a 'Big Stink!'"

"Big stink?"

"B.I.G."

"Oh!.. So what happened, daddy?"

"Well, we arrived to the conference room about five minutes early, which was fantastic because I got to introduce you to all the key players before the meeting. You were somewhat guarded, but you were not off-putting. The meeting began and my boss aired his views, which I translated into vendor-speak. And once we were able to establish a vernacular..."

"Ver-nac-u-lar???"

"Um, a generic level of communication that provides understanding; a basic vocabulary for conversation: vernacular.

"Huh?"

"Established was a comfortable communication zone. With vendor relations improved, I was able to sit back and listen as issues were aired and solutions circulated without much grievance. I held you in my arms, gently rocking you, keeping you complacent, so I thought, but then you whispered something to me."

"What did I whisper, daddy?"

"You, in a very hushed voice, which surprised me because that indicated to me that you were paying attention. You urged me to, 'Say something, daddy!' I waited until the conversation started to stray off course before making a suggestion. As soon as I did, you propped yourself up and tooted your horn!!!"

"Tooted my horn...?"

"Yes, well, perhaps 'tooted' is the wrong word because we did not hear anything even though your 'statement' was very pronounced. You released from your bottom such an unsightly gas, son. So unsightly the discussion was expedited, and a work-flow policy solution was drafted quickly. Business cards were slid across the table as the exchange was hurried by your second release, filling the room with euphoria. You mutualized the agreement. Your diffusion desensitized their stink zone."

"Desensitized!?!"

"Overwhelmingly. You were so proud. You should have seen the smile on your face! Oh, go take a look in the mirror, right now!!!"

"Daddy, I know what I look like [gehyn-inhynches]."

"We celebrated as I drove you to childcare. You cheered with a bottle of mommy's breast milk--and I had the privilege of being, let's just say, 'in your presence.' Yeah, you spoiler--on my behalf, too. That morning, you were the Big Stinker! To me, you have not stank since--in a manner of speaking. Perhaps you have leveled my awareness, or you now exist within my comfort zone: tolerance."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, son. What."

"You still stink."

"To you, I always will. You want to know why?"

"Why."

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I will not tell you why?"

"For real?"

"Really."

"Oh! You are so old factory!!!"

Anecotal Cooking Archive | EatIngredients Archive
023 07/23/10 Fuming Industrial Strength Daddy shares with son the meaning of malodor. listen
022 04/25/10 The Meanderthal: Archeological Abstractions (or a type of graphical error) Ed romanticizes as to the origins of interpersonal relationships: (psychological) projection, appetite association [desire], and ego. listen
021 01/11/10 Twin Pinings Ed discovers that personal painterly pictorial aesthetic relationships are a rare find. listen
020 09/13/09 Fascination Plates Prix Fixe Ed fixates on his dining discressions (and his mother). listen
019 04/11/09 Monday (we are closed on) Monday Ed, the fledgeling, meets his Master--crossing that bridge when he gets there. listen
018 11/30/08 Holiday Football Game Ed tests his (Turkey Bowl) holiday game in anticipation of the Christmas festivities. listen
017 09/15/08 Noir in Toto After my relative and I shared our disillusions, I determined that I was becoming depressed. I decided that I should go noir for the remainder of the day; however, I decided that I should attempt to enlighten myself by going to a used bookstore. listen
016 05/14/08 Waning the Exhale Ed waxes limerick about his broken tooth and replacement crown. listen
015 04/25/08 Time of the Dinosaurs From the story telling of Eddie Brown and the literary artistry by Ed Brown II comes the play The Time of the Dinosaurs. Listen to the stage reading of the play. Plus there are the original story board drawings by Eddie Brown. listen
014 11/20/07 Real-Time Tripe Consoling a new found friend who believes he made a foolish purchase, Ed laments that he didn't make the purchase of a lifetime. listen
013 09/09/07 In my attempts to embellish my literary career, I tried to become a member of a New York City Society, a part of the scene, a scene that has since past. For the City's advancement has been kicked in the rear, a Society caught off guard. listen
012 08/04/07 A way (of) finding knowledge through perishable goods. listen
011 03/13/07 I decided to get smart with my intercommunications. listen
010 01/21/07 Enjoy a moment with Ed as he provides some cooking instruction, and engages in a little infused marketing. listen
009 11/19/06 This is a versionary tale dedicated cautiously to the foodie who also happens to be a backwards ass-jack who would go through extremes just to have an exquisite dining experience. listen
008 10/01/06 Who was the rocket scientist that came up with the idea to carpet the floor of a fast-food restaurant??? Forget the rocket scientist. Should not we blame the social engineer who is attempting to design a more intimate space and experience? listen
007 08/20/06 Am I your strangling strange or passing passion fruit? Plucky am I--a choice pick indeed! listen
006 06/16/06  The curator, she mentored me on how to contexturize: contextualize texture lingually; a vernacular that cannot be described in words or by taste. After I decided on the three cheeses for my artisanal dish, I went home to construct. listen
005 05/26/06  In the living room, me, sitting in full view, on the morning day of Christmas, my sweetheart gave to me, a gift certificate. A gift certificate? A gift certificate to shake hands with a chef. listen
004 04/25/06 Tuna Melon Sandwich listen
003 04/06/06 Meat and Potatoes Salad listen
002 03/18/06
Split Pea Spread
Yellow Split Pea Mush & Soup  
listen
001 03/08/06
Sesame Seed Cod Croutons 
listen
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Copyright © 2009by Edward K. Brown II, All Rights Reserved